Ok so its just a few days more until the Inaugural Spring Shows at Lincoln Center -- and already I'm innerved +. It's been a while since I've written and well, who knows why?
Actually --- I know why... ever since I tried to take the Bitch out of my Blog its been a disaster! I've tried to make it useful and fun and good and all, but truly, I just can't get the energy to bull-shit whilst sitting in my own home. Afterall, I spend my entire day bull-shitting with strangers for no other reason than to resist the urge to impale them. tee-hee-hee.
And so, in an effort to please both you -- my readers who need to feel some sort of sensory repose from the usual bitchiness -- and my most awesome and surely harmless inner bitch, I've decided on a compromise... I've anointed myself as the Fairy Bitch-Mother.. a sort of heady species of a fairy god-mother, still fairy-ish -- but nevertheless, packs a punch.
And I feel better and more inspired already. So to begin... I totally procrastinate on getting my press credentials for the shows -- meeting the deadline only 24 hours ahead. This means I'm not on the fancy list to the designers and so will be out there in the brand new sparkly tents wandering about -- hopefully not SO aimlessly. To top this, I was actually being asked to WALK A SHOW -- but guess what -- my FEET ARE TOO SMALL FOR THE SHOES! W.T.F.F. (that stands for WHAT THE FAIRY FU...DGE!) I mean really.. ??? my one chance to play a 5'3 super-model for 3 minutes of one day and my feet are too small? Go figure -- this is a constant battle. I wear a size 2.5/3.0 in kids or a true 5 adult....which aren't really made any longer......and well the designer custom made the shoes and has none small enough??? HUH? Anyhoo, I have this problem constantly and well even in ballet where all things small are worshiped, I have to have special orders made -- which break down every week and so it's a constant and very expensive battle. I'm convinced my feet got stuck up my arse in-vitro, bc no one has ever told me that my arse is too small.
And, uh.
Next I go shopping today ---not something I can afford but with Fashion Week a week away, eating is only optional. SO I was searching for one special buy for the occasion-- under $50! and I found a dress -- my favorite thing! GORGEOUS! So I picked up my usual size 2 -- only to find NOPE NOT THIS TIME! I couldn't breathe -- AT ALL so I relented and got a 4 instead and I can only barely breathe in that! The wonderful BOY! dressing room attendant suggested I try a 6 and I nearly killed him with my fairy bitch-mother glare! NOT ON MY LIFE WILL I CONCEDE TO A 6! NO. NO. NO.
DO TELL: exactly WHO is a size 2? I mean I am 5'3 and 103 pounds... 34-24-34 -- which in fashion is only MILDLY CHUBBY, right? I mean really?!!! In the name of my other favorite blog ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS? a girl has gotta eat steak .. all fairies eat steak... duh. SO DESIGNERS, CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SOME MORE TRUE TO LIFE SIZES? pretty please with steak on top? and small shoes! I NEED SOME SHOES!
Ok so there it is ---- Madame B has got her groove back!
Stay tuned!
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